[Downtown South Park] Stan: Kyle, I think you better get home and get some sleep. Soon the whole crowd is clapping and cheering. This is a live action commercial for Mr. Hankey. [Auditorium] Stan: Oh boy, here we go again. Counselor: Right now you're nuttier than chinese chicken salad, okay. Mr. Garrison: Careful now Kenny. Howdy ho! Barbrady ponders for a moment. Kyle: Mr. Hankey, he comes out of the toilet every year and gives presents to everybody who has a lot of fiber in their diet. Kyle: Hello everybody. [Cheering] I can make a Mr. Hankey too! Kyle: Here, just look more closely at it. [Cut to Commercial] Mr. Garrison: Okay kids, get ready to take your places. Cartman: Yeh, something feels...unfinished. Do the other kids make fun of you? A present from down below Crowd: Mr. Hankey the Christmas poo, he loves me, I love you, he loves you! [Bb G F Em C D Ab Am B Dm Bbm Eb E A Abm Gb Ebm] Chords for Mr. Hanky The Christmas Poo Lyrics with capo transposer, play along with guitar, piano, ukulele & mandolin. Singers: Sometimes He's runny On Tuesday she's a bitch! Crowd: Yeh, yeh! Mr. Garrison: Okay children, we've just received word from the mayor that the Christmas play can't include any Christmas lights, since they offend people with epilepsy. She's the biggest bitch In the whole wide world! “The Most Offensive Song Ever” was a song, performed by Mr. Hankey and Kenny McCormick, for the 1999 album, “Mr. Crowd: No! Before we bring out the kiddies for the play, here's a non-offensive, non-denominational holiday song by the school chef. Intro Song from Mr Hankey's Christmas Classics:http://www.southparkstudios.com/full-episodes/s03e15-mr-hankeys-christmas-classics This should be great. The curtain opens, revealing a Nativity Scene Here's a game I like to play Kyle: Shut up Cartman! This is like the worst Christmas I've ever seen. Kyle: But dad, he always... 'Cause he's just clinging to your sphincter What kind of sick weirdo are you? Crowd: Merry Christmas Kyle Broslofski! Kyle's father begins clapping He might come to your town! Kyle: Probably just another stupid dreidel anyway. Kyle: Well, sure. Mr. Hankey: Folks'll gather 'round the fire, sing a song that's from a choir, pretty soon they'll all retire and I'll say howdy ho! Stan: Wish Kyle was here, it just doesn't seem right without him. Cartman: Goodbye Mr. Hankey. Chef: Say, where's Kyle? Mr. Garrison: What the?!? [Dramatic Music] Mr. Garrison: Could we get rid of all the Mexicans? Tis Christ the Lord. Kyle: Sorry. The piece of crap in Kyle's hands sits motionless. Wendy: Ahhhhh! Kyle: Yeh. It is sung by Mr. Hankey in the Season Four episode, "A Very Crappy Christmas". Kyle is let out of his cell and runs outside to join the crowd. Kyle: It isn't fair, I don't want to be an outcast. Sister: There's nothing to do. Mr. Hankey: Howdy ho Chef. Counselor: Oh, that's good. Kyle: Well, you're gonna be sorry when you see me riding around on Santa's sleigh with Mr. Hankey fat ass! Kyle: Say something Mr. Hankey. Counselor: So this must be a pretty hard time of year for you, being Christmas and all. Mr. Broslofski: Say it! Wendy: It's fun. Mr. Hankey the Christmas Poo Mr. Broslofski: What did you say?!? [South Park Elementary School] I'm Mr. Hankey the Christmas Poo Seasons Greetings to all of you! Get him out of here before he hurts anybody, okay. Sister: I love you too. Small and brown he comes from you Kyle: Mr. Hankey. Kyle: I told you not to call my mom a bitch Cartman! Mr. Hankey: Say folks, gosh you sure do smell all nice and flowery. Mr. Hankey the Christmas Poo Small and brown he comes from you Sit on the toilet here he comes Squeeze him 'tween your festive buns A present from down below Spreading joy with a "Howdy-Ho!" You'll hear the hair of angels sing when I'm sliding off your bra. I learned that Jewish people are okay, and that Hannakuh can be okay. [On the set of Jesus and Pals] It's snowing! But if you eat fiber on Christmas eve Kyle: It's a surprise. Don't you see, this is the one time of year we're supposed to forget all the bad stuff. Sometimes he's runny, Sometimes he's burnt, Sometimes he's practicality water. [Gasp] Stan: This is horrible, everybody's fighting and my best friend's in an institution, all because we didn't believe in Mr. Hankey. Sheila: Oh, this could be such a wonderful Christmas play. Nerd: Hmm. He can be brown or greenish brown Cartman: I'm not fat! Mr. Garrison: See, that's what you get when you raise your child to be a pagan. Mayor McDaniels: Okay people, we've got to turn this place around. Episode number 110 of South Park. Mr. Broslofski: Kyle, what are you doing in there?!? I'm a Jew, a lonely Jew, I'd be merry, but I'm Hebrew, on Christmas. [Music stops] The show's three songs "Mr. Hankey, the Christmas Poo", "Kyle's Mom's A Stupid Bitch", and "The Lonely Jew On Christmas" are all heard again in later episodes. Did you just throw doodoo at Eric?!? But all of those stories seem kind of... gay `Cause we all know who brightens up our holiday Mr. Hankey the Christmas Poo Small and brown he comes from you Sit on the toilet here he comes Squeeze him 'tween your festive buns A present from down below [Cut to Commercial] Mayor McDaniels: Oh my God!! Christ. Mr. Garrison: Ohh, do you have to take the Christmas tree too? Guess there's no reason for you to come, since you don't get Christmas presents. Sheila: Oh my God! Receptionist: Jacket! Sometimes he's firm You people focus so hard on the things wrong with Christmas that you've forgotten what's so right about it. Kyle: Nobody believes in you, not even my friends! Stan: Cause I looked in my parents closet last night. [Laughter] Mr Hankey, The Christmas Poo Small and Brown, he comes from you Sit on the toilet, here he comes Squeeze and tween your festive buns! It isn't being sensitive to the Jewish community. Stan: Christmas poo? Cartman: Oh good, Kyle's mom is here to ruin Christmas. Mayor McDaniels: Lose the mistletoe. Kyle shakes the turd. Kenny: That's nasty. Kyle: Don't call my mom a bitch, Cartman! Me?!? "Mr. Hankey, the Christmas Poo" is the ninth episode of the first season of the American animated television series South Park. Kyle's mom, is a bitchhhhahhh. Kyle: There is no such thing as Mr. Hankey. Tree Hugger: All you bastards ruined Christmas! Advisory - the following lyrics contain explicit language: We've all heard of Rudolph and his shiny nose, and we all know Frosty whose made out of snow. [Gasp] Jesus: Happy Birthday to me, happy birthday to me. Where the hell did you go? Cartman: Oh boy, super bitch is at it again. She a big fat bitch! I'm not crazy?!? His smell and his spirit linger on. Sheila: Your father's right Kyle. One persons lights go off. Townsperson: Amen. Mr. Hankey: Mmmmm. I'm a Jew, a lonely Jew, on Christmas. Mr. Hankey: Howdy ho! Mr. Garrison: Because it's Christmas. But if you eat fiber on Christmas Eve, he might come to your town. A Metal cover of Mr Hankey The Christmas Poo from South Park "Mr. Hankey's Christmas Classics" S03.

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